Big Miss Steak
Stoned at the Madonna Inn Gold Rush Steakhouse
The following is a true story, co-written in conspiratorial silliness by myself and Elizabeth. Enjoy!
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The night started before the night, in the afternoon actually, when the poolside waiter asked us if we wanted a cocktail to go with our hot tub. After being humiliated by choosing a blended raspberry margarita, our evening of debauchery began. As 7:30 rolled around and it was time for our reservation at the steak house, we each popped 5mg to continue to make the night interesting. We opted for each a glass of the Madonna house champagne which took several stoned attempts to the waiter to explain that no we didn’t want the chardonnay. Our embarrassment did not stop there.
As vegetarians, we knew we were in for a big plate of nothing at a steak house, so we thought it would be best to load up on appetizers before ordering our main. The waiter had described our pasta meal as somewhat small, so when we ordered, we thought it was a good idea for us each to get our own. The waiter replied, “oh two orders of pasta?”... After the avocado toast came out, we began to see the error of our ways (each slice housed a half avocado on thick Texas toast). Panic (and the edible) are setting in. We look at each other in horror, “oh god we have so much more food to eat.” In between bites of salad and a poorly timed joke, I begin to choke at about the same time that the waiter checks in on us. After already being awkward the whole night, I tried to stifle my coughs, converse, act normal to no avail.
At last, our small plates of pasta arrived, except they were huge. Fueled by our never ending embarrassment, we ate as much pasta as we could muster, pushed it around on our plate for awhile before we had to accept defeat. A new waiter let us know with skeptical eyes staring down our mountains of remaining food that she would “bring us a few boxes…” but let her know if we needed anymore. We stuffed our boxes with shame and an entirely uneaten bread basket.
To our waiters — we’re sorry for being silly and weird. thank you SLO for a weekend we’ll never forget!
